he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
