somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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