my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
