Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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