I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
