i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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