If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
