sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
