they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
