I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
