i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
