Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
