im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
