he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
