last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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