i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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