I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
