I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
