I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need moral support for this bender
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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