stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am naked and annoyed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
