I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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