I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
