Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
