He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
