is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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