Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
