Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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