So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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