It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
