i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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