Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
