well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
