Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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