I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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