Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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