I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
