Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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