Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize