I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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