NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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