How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
