My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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