Your face is a jimmy john
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
