if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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