So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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