Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
