His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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