Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
