I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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