my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
