I wish my penis had an off switch
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
