I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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