hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
