what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
