I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
