Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
