can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
