he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
