Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
