There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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