She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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