god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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