Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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