my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
