Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
