Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
