Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you would pick up someone in the library
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
