Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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