hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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