Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
