It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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