my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
