why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
