OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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