if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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